Every day, I confront a personal challenge that many can relate to: the difficulty of saying ‘no.’ This issue, often labelled as people-pleasing, may surprise those who sometimes find my demeanour less than agreeable. The reality is that I find it incredibly hard to refuse requests, fearing that saying no will make me appear less likeable and acceptable.
I’ve conditioned myself to say yes when I should stand firm in my no. When something clashes with my values, I recognise that I often receive superficial tokens of friendship, loyalty, and recognition by putting others first. It’s time for me to prioritise my own needs.
I tend to fawn in challenging situations—a survival response in which I go to great lengths to please others, often at my own expense. I’ve learned to silence the inner voice that shouts, “This is not right for me!” in favour of being agreeable, nodding along, and remaining overly accommodating.
I will allow anyone to take all of my shine.
My service dog, Radha, is essential in helping me establish and maintain boundaries. I have a self-regulation problem. It’s because of the way my brain works. When you get hungry, your brain sends signals to your body that you can easily pick up and take action on long before you get too hungry. The brain tells you you’re hungry. You get up, walk to the kitchen and make a sandwich. My brain sends the signals, but I ignore them. I do not recognise the message. I ignore all the early signs. I don’t go to the kitchen to make a sandwich. I realise I’m hungry when it’s too late during a hunger-induced panic attack. You walk into a dangerous situation, you walk right back out. I walk into a dangerous situation. I consider walking out only after it’s too late!
Radha plays a vital role in boundary-setting. She guards my space fiercely, barking to signal, ‘Stranger Danger!’ While some think this is disruptive, her alertness is a necessary boundary for me. Her actions remind me that asserting my boundaries is perfectly acceptable, regardless of how it might appear to others. Her presence represents the potential for real change and growth, and I hope it inspires you to embrace your own boundaries.
Strangers often want to pet Radha because she’s adorable. I’m learning to navigate this situation assertively. I should refuse to sacrifice my comfort to avoid disappointing anyone. There’s an ingrained narrative suggesting that if a dog dislikes someone, there’s something wrong with either the dog or the person, which complicates my ability to assert myself. However, I’ve understood I am not responsible for anyone else’s discomfort with my boundaries.
It’s crucial to recognise that only some we encounter have good intentions. Radha isn’t here to theatre someone’s character. We don’t need to be best friends; mutual interactions must be based on courtesy, kindness, respect, and, most importantly, consent. If any of these elements are missing, it’s a clear sign that respect is lacking, which can lead to trouble.
We all have the right to demand respect and consent in our interactions. I encourage you to stand firm in your own life.
Radha and I both value our personal space and well-being. We’re not fans of intrusive staring, unsolicited conversations, or non-consensual touch. Respect and consent are fundamental for healthy interactions, and it’s essential for everyone to feel safe and valued.
Please reflect on your boundaries and the importance of upholding them. Together, we can foster a respectful environment where everyone feels empowered to say ‘no’ when needed.
What about you? How do you protect your boundaries?
With love.
Karmic Rebelle