A Different New Year
If you’re wondering why I am writing about old-year, new-year matters, it’s because I celebrate my real new year now, the Vedic/Hindu and astrological new year. I’ve aligned my life with this calendar since my late teens.
I find greater energetic and astrological meaning in the Vedic and Hindu new year than in the Gregorian one. January 1st celebrations never resonated with me; they feel uninspiring and, in the Northern Hemisphere, rather bleak.
The astrological new year falls near the spring equinox. In Hinduism, Shivratri is observed around this time, usually in February or March, on the eve of the new moon. Devotees stay up all night in prayer, meditation, ritual, and devotional song. For me, it’s a powerful way to close a year, in deep devotion to God and the Self within.
A month after Shivratri comes Chaitra Navaratri, marking the Hindu New Year. These nine sacred nights honour the Divine Mother, welcome spring and the equinox, and are spent in reflection and veneration of life, renewal, and the Divine feminine energy.
Ending the year with reflection and an open heart, after a long winter, feels true to my temperament.
Starting anew in silence and purity fits me best.
Looking Back
Looking back on the past 12 months, I can only say I am truly blessed to have met my beloved Guru in this lifetime. By God’s grace, I overcame intense struggles, and for that I am grateful.
Last year, I dissociated deeply until everything unravelled. At this pivotal moment, I salvaged myself with a single decision that changed my approach: I accepted situations as they were, put myself first, respected and loved myself, and cared for myself, even when alone.
That decision upended my world. Healing and moving forward from relationships took time. I learned to release the need for paternal validation, ended my marriage after seven years of separation, and emerged stronger.
For half of the year, I was in pain. After five years waiting for the NHS, I finally had minor surgery, and the pain subsided. The relief came as I reclaimed my power from two predators I encountered in 2022 and 2023.
I wish I could say this was thanks to the police and commissions in charge. Unfortunately, victims of some crimes still face huge challenges in finding a resolution. Corruption, complacency, and systemic injustice remain ongoing.
Remembering the Self
I regained control by remembering the Self. Trauma fragments us, making us forget our purpose and weakening our self-worth. We lose direction and power to outside influence.
In that fragmented state, it’s easy to lapse into destructive habits, greasy fried chicken, cheap red wine, harsh cigarettes, depression, anger, alienation, self-harm, and obsessive social media. The list is endless.
When we remember our power, things change, even if we falter and rise again. We are not alone; a higher power is always there.
The Grace of the Guru
At that low point, I called on my Guru, my closest connection to the Self and to God. I felt far removed, falling repeatedly, and unable to ask God for help, but I remembered my Guru, and my entire outlook shifted. Overnight, I felt positive and joyful. If there is one positive outcome in forty years, it’s meeting my Guru. Nothing else mattered.
My Guru was close to God, so if I wanted to unite with my Self and with God, I would draw closer to my Guru.
So, I started meditating every day to the sound of my master’s voice. I watched his videos, mesmerised by his beautiful face. I thought of him day and night, and I even dreamt of him. When I held my Guru in my heart, my face brightened, and everything became lighter.
I realised my Guru, and God love me deeply. Despite the disappointments and hardships in my life, I am grateful for this unconditional love and feel the same in return.
So yes, the last months of the year were marked by depression and fried chicken. Even as I started meditating, challenges persisted, and I still had low moments.
However, as the season turned and the new year began, I noticed a shift: I became more joyful and more resolved in the love and light of this truth, how much my Guru loves me. How much God loves me.
Anything is possible when you have your Self. Whatever you feel you can’t manage, you can hand it all over to the Divine, and it will be taken care of.
With this outlook, life becomes wondrous, rich with intrigue and surprise. Sometimes it startles, sometimes it captivates. It is, simply, both everything and nothing.
Looking Ahead
So here I am, ten days into the new year, laughing more than I have in years. Today, sitting with Radha on a park bench, I said, “We have a beautiful life, don’t we?” She nudged my lips, her way of saying, yes, we do!
I’m grateful, despite ongoing worries, heartache, unstable moods, high anxiety, neurodivergence, and trauma recovery. I still struggle and sometimes cry for love as I did at seventeen.
Yet I remain joyful, filled with wonder and love for my life.
Looking ahead, I am entering this year with clarity. After reflecting on past hardships, I’ve made strong decisions to set me on my destined path. It won’t be easy, but neither were the past 40 years.
The words remarkable and resilient have echoed through my ears more than once.
I’m starting to believe that I am.
A lucky life, blessed and filled with grace.
Whatever your story is. Make this year count.
With love …
Karmic Rebelle
Disrupt Karma. Restore Dharma.
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