How control, cash and predictability hollow out desire (and what Tantra offers instead)
Commentary on the Andrew Tate/Bonnie Blue Disruptors Interview with Rob Moore.
Bonnie Blue and Andrew Tate argue that sex has become transactional — but the deeper story is the system that makes it so.
I’ll keep this concise because the interview touches on a lot, and I’ll need several articles to explore the themes properly. I’m already writing another piece that maps the rotten structure we live in and the stance we need to take to win this fight — I touch on that briefly here.
Content note: this piece discusses rape, sexual content.
The Interview That Wouldn’t Let Me Go
Last night I watched a lengthy interview with Bonnie Blue, a prominent feminist figure, and Andrew Tate, a controversial self-help guru.
Individualism in a Feminist Costume
To my mind she embodies a form of extreme individualism dressed up as feminism — a philosophy that seems to privilege personal success over collective progress. I struggle to see social value beyond fame and fortune. Her claim that her work is somehow reducing rape doesn’t hold up against the one study that could plausibly back it — a 2014 analysis found reported rape offences fell by a similar margin after Rhode Island briefly decriminalised indoor prostitution. But that’s a study about access, not about her. And from where I sit, having survived rape by a sex addict, access was never the barrier. Men who want to rape do it regardless of how many sex workers they sleep with.
Some of her comments struck me as misogynistic: other women are presented as dumb, lazy or entitled in comparison to her. I suspect there may be grains of truth in what she says, but the issue runs far deeper than lazy women. It’s a symptom of the society we’ve built.
Where They’re Not Wrong: Complacency Kills Intimacy
Andrew Tate echoed a similar point: our cultural architecture shapes gender roles and relationships in toxic ways. Where I agree with both of them is this — many women become complacent in long-term relationships; they stop making sex and intimacy a priority. It isn’t only about pleasure: it’s also about respect. From my experience and observation, people can lose themselves in long relationships and stop caring for their sexual self or sensual presence. There’s even a tired narrative that women “let themselves go” after marriage; for many couples, sex and foreplay do diminish. That reality can be crushing, and recognising it helps us feel less alone. When sex becomes the same routine — the same position, the same lack of sound, the same emotional distance — the passion dies.
How I Got Here
I hear people tell me, “You’re not like other women — you enjoy sex and you’re good at it.” I don’t say that arrogantly: it’s the product of a particular life. I’ve been hyper-sexual for much of my life (trauma and neurodivergence play a part), I grew up in a rigidly conservative Christian environment and consciously shed sexual shame early. I’ve danced all my life and am attuned to sensory pleasure. Still, I encountered the same obstacles most couples do.
My Own Marriage Wasn’t Immune
My husband and I stopped having regular sex within a year of marriage (we’d been together six years before that). Sex became predictable; I didn’t want to be a container for unconscious ejaculation and daily frustration.
Masturbating Into Your Partner
This is one of the places I find myself agreeing with Andrew Tate. He is a character — at times misogynistic — but also charismatic and blunt. There are things he says that I recognise: unconscious, repetitive sex done purely to discharge stress is a sure way to kill a relationship’s passion. That kind of “masturbating into your partner” is soul-numbing. It pushes partners away.
What Tantra Offers Instead
I’m Tantric. For me, sex can create life, or — if we choose not to have children — generate energy for spiritual experiences, healing, and manifestation. Mostly I avoid the last two and focus on sending energy to a higher source and connecting to my essential self. Sex, properly held, is a gateway to self and source: orgasm can reveal oneness, bliss and God-consciousness.
Letting Go of Control and Fear
Reaching those ecstatic states requires a foundation of respect, openness, willingness and reciprocity. Before I studied Tantra, boredom and disconnection in my marriage felt like my husband’s fault — but it wasn’t all him. For sex to ascend, the heart needs to be open. We must be willing to let go of control and fear.
The Orgasms That Changed Everything
Control and fear are chronic problems in my life and, I suspect, in the lives of many people. Again, symptomatic of the society we’ve created. Only when I made conscious space to let go and communicated respectfully with my husband did I begin to experience whole-body, energetic orgasms — sometimes without penetration. When that happens, life itself can feel blissful.
When Money Becomes the Opening Line
Tate and Blue also talk about the economics of courting: women go out, men pay, and sex becomes an expected transaction. I agree that this dynamic exists and is corrosive. Men often open conversations with displays of money — “what do you do?” “Can I buy you a drink?” — and as a result they expect sex in return. That expectation distorts intimacy.
Money as a Leash, Not a Gift
I grew up with a controlling patriarch. My father is wealthy and wielded power with money and insults; emotional and psychological needs were neglected. I learned to earn my own living quickly and to avoid older men with cars and cash. Yet when I later met an older man who wanted to provide, the pattern replayed: money became control. He wanted to protect but could not. He abused my independence with coercive control, stalking, name-calling and jealousy. He didn’t want me to become financially independent because that threatened his control.
Dependence Is the Point
In the interview, Tate said plainly that he prefers women who are obsessed with him and dependent on him. He doesn’t want independent women because a truly independent partner challenges the man’s fear and control. That’s part of a pyramid structure of power.
The Pyramid That’s Making Us Sick
That pyramid — men and billionaires at the top, institutions beneath them, the vulnerable at the bottom — is what makes our world sick. Misogyny, control, shame, racism, classism and greed feed that structure. Women are increasingly refusing to birth new life into that system. Tate calls this the end of times; perhaps we are in Kali Yuga, a dark age where destruction precedes renewal. Shiva destroys so that regeneration can happen.
Fighting Like Shiva
To fight with Shiva consciousness we must detach from worldly pleasures and heal the symptoms that society has infected us with: control, fear, shame, guilt, jealousy and greed.
What It Costs to Leave
I’ve been there. Leaving the pyramid will obliterate the life you’ve known — and that’s terrifying. But it also gives you the chance to build a new life that’s circular, reciprocal, respectful and aligned with purpose.
In liberation and truth,
Karmic Rebelle
Disrupt Karma. Restore Dharma.
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