The Giver of Siddhis
Siddhidatri is the 9th manifestation of the fierce Goddess Durga. Durga is the alter ego of Parvati, the wife of Lord Shiva. Shiva dissolves, destroys, or renews.
“Siddhi” means superpower or meditative ability. “Dathri” means giver.
One of Shiva’s names is Ardhanarishwar, which means “half-female-lord.” Many believe that Siddhidatri comprises half of his body. In the Vedic scriptures, Lord Shiva attained all the siddhis by worshipping Siddhidatri.
Eclipse Season and the Shattering of Denial
The eclipse season leading up to Navratri in 2025 sobered me to the reality of what had happened over the past three years.
I have many names for this phase: magic men, goblins and gurus, the devil.
I began to write about my first “devil” in 2022. I had prolific panic attacks, and my physical symptoms exacerbated to such an extreme that I had to stop writing about it altogether.
Somewhere between then and now, the truth hit me like Monday morning: I had been in denial. For three years, I had avoided the seriousness of it all.
The Rogue Sikh
The Rogue Sikh — my Hackney landlord — raped me on Guru Nanak’s birthday in 2022.The 8th of November. A Blood Moon. A total Lunar Eclipse.
He raped me. I should have reported it immediately. I didn’t. I went into denial and self-gaslighting — a defence mechanism that has been with me since I was five.
It was the year of the goddess, and that night was powerful. It was time to reclaim my power after years of strife.
It made no sense to ordain a theft of power under such a dreadfully dark sky.
The Police Let Me Down
In the end, I reported the abuse, but the police had no genuine interest in the matter. I was profiled and let down.
It turned out that there were numerous prior allegations and reports against me. Some people misunderstood the situation, while others fabricated stories.
I never harmed anyone. I never made up false rumours. I never involved myself in situations that could cause harm. I always tried to help others, showed compassion and understanding.
My life has a repetitive theme of facing consequences for being authentic.
The courts, judges and juries aren’t ready for Marvel comics in real life.
Desperation and the Charlatan Sikh
Months later, desperate for help, I met another predator healer. An older Sikh, trusted and respected in his community—an elder with a title.
He confirmed what I knew: the police could not be trusted. He promised to help me. I believed him.
We spoke as equals about the unseen. I was desperate, gullible. The Charlatan Sikh began “healing” me.
But when someone tells you, “Even your Higher Self can’t reach you — only I can,” that is not healing.
When someone asks you to xxxx on command “to check your entities,” that is not healing.
That is abuse.
Energy Exchange, Boundaries and Consent
Sex — whether physical or energetic — is one of the most potent forms of energy exchange.
With consent and boundaries, the exchange is equal. Without them, it becomes theft.
He told me he needed to “imprint himself onto me” to cancel the imprint of the Rogue Sikh. He framed this as healing.
I consented. But consent requires truth. And when you’re traumatised, drugged, desperate, or misled, it is not valid consent.
It dawned on me how easy I had made it for them, even if it was unintentional. I hadn’t done much to honour, protect or preserve myself.
My boundaries were non-existent. Riddled with complex PTSD, I fawned and people pleased in exchange for validation, attention, and attachment.
What happened to me in the past and my present lifestyle choices left me dissociated and wide open for the taking.
Vampires & Inter-Dimensional Villains
I was an easy target—the perfect victim. I let them consume me, hoping they would save me; instead, they drained me.
What these men did was use me as a filling station, not only during the events but for years after.
Energy vampires may experience a boost—whether through sexual, solar, or creative energy—that gives them temporary vitality, sexual potency, or charisma. They may also feel an illusion of power, as if they are more “psychic,” because they are drawing energy from someone else, much like plugging into another person’s battery. For them, the act of domination itself becomes a source of high.
The truth is that nobody can steal superpowers and life force; what they received was merely a stimulant, resulting in increased karmic debt.
Low Vibrations and Abuse
The irony lies in the fact that they both succumbed to their animalistic natures. Sex and ego seem to be the overall downfall of men.
Both men exhibited an inability to control their sexual desires truly. They seemed overly attached to external validation and the need to be desired.
Perhaps they felt depleted and irrelevant on a physical level. Perhaps they needed the energetic supply to remain virile, youthful, and relevant.
Whatever it was, they both exhibited traits of narcissism and entitlement, attributes that lower the energy field and are closer to abuse.
Fried chicken had a detrimental impact on both.
Rituals and Loopholes
They both had it all figured out.
The Rogue Sikh would lie, deny and deflect when it came to the authorities. The Charlatan Sikh would tell the truth, but have no paper trails, witnesses, or means for any authoritarian figure or body to hold him accountable—and he’d get the public to fund his “work”.
When it came to karma and the evolution of their souls, being of service, meditating, intergalactic accountability hopping, and fire rituals would help purify and balance out the harm.
It’s like committing murder for six days of the week and thinking you’re off free because on the seventh day you go to church and confess your sins.
Misuse of Siddhis
These two men had acquired, after decades of meditation and spiritual practice, siddhis of their own, whether you believe me or not.
I experienced their gifts and witnessed them for myself. Others have too.
However, the superpowers are merely a byproduct of the practice, not its ultimate goal. In fact, they are more of a burden than a gift, because they can easily become distractions and be misused.
These men sorely misused their powers in some ferocious and unjust assault on my being.
They were envious of my gifts.
They thought, because of my sex, the colour of my skin, and the life I was living, I had no right to what God had given me.
They ordained themselves as demigods and thought that they could take what they wanted through distorted consent and barren boundaries.
They fed off me for as long as they wished, regardless of the consequences.
After all, I was just a dog to them.
Siddhis Through Worship, Not Theft
Shiva attained his powers through worship of Siddhidatri — through reverence, not manipulation.
The true siddhis he gained were qualities of being, not tricks of theft:
- Anima – humility (ability to shrink to the size of an atom)
- Mahima – expansion of consciousness (becoming vast)
- Garima – groundedness (infinite heaviness)
- Laghima – lightness of mind and heart (weightlessness)
- Prapti – manifestation through alignment (attaining anything)
- Prakāmya – fulfilment of desires via inner clarity (realising whatever one wills)
- Ishitva – mastery of self (supreme lordship, creation)
- Vashitva – harmony with the cosmos (dominion over beings, living and non-living)
Siddhis are attained through tapas, devotion, and grace — not through violation.
What Cannot Be Stolen
What they did was theft. What they sought was power.
But real siddhis cannot be stolen.
They only borrowed shadows of my energy.
And as I write this, I retract it.
My power was never truly lost.
With love.
Karmic Rebelle